Generated by All in One SEO Pro v5.0.0.1, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. - Pediatric Psychologist - California Pediatric Psychologist - California ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://monadelahooke.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [Why Labeling a Child’s Emotions Can Backfire (and What to do Instead)](https://monadelahooke.com/emotions/) - Parents report that labeling a child’s emotions often backfires. Why is it that merely placing a label on a child’s emotions can make them even more agitated? - [Beyond Behaviors: A Story from the Frontlines of Therapy](https://monadelahooke.com/beyond-behaviors-a-story-from-the-frontlines-of-therapy/) - As I prepare to launch the second edition of Beyond Behaviors, I find myself transported back to the moment I knew I had to write this book. I was observing in a classroom, watching a patient I knew well. He sat there, tapping his aide's shoulder with growing intensity. From our work together in my - [Child psychologists and potty-training experts say discipline is the wrong approach](https://monadelahooke.com/child-psychologists-and-potty-training-experts-say-discipline-is-the-wrong-approach/) - When two local police officers said they brought their 3½-year-old son to a city holding cell on two occasions last year, investigations were launched into the legality of the action and what impact it had on the child. Setting aside the unusual circumstances, though, what happened leaves more common questions parents face every day: When it comes - [An Open Letter to Childhood Professionals and Teachers](https://monadelahooke.com/an-open-letter-to-childhood-professionals-and-teachers/) - When professionals view social and emotional development as a shared responsibility rather than a subspecialty of the mental health field, all children benefit. - [Son was expelled from one preschool. What happens in kindergarten?](https://monadelahooke.com/son-was-expelled-from-one-preschool-what-happens-in-kindergarten/) - Q: My 5-year-old son was expelled from his preschool earlier this year for behavioral issues. (Notably, it happened after I complained about an adult male caregiver showing unusual interest in him and asking me to send personal information about my child after he entered public school.) My spouse and I had our child evaluated by an - [Can Rewards and Consequences Make Kids’ Behavior Challenges Worse?](https://monadelahooke.com/can-rewards-and-consequences-make-kids-behavior-challenges-worse/) - Instead of relying on rewards and cosequences, we find children’s challenging behaviors decrease when we properly meet their relational and emotional needs. - [Childhood Trauma: Understanding Behavioral Challenges as Survival Instincts](https://monadelahooke.com/childhood-trauma-understanding-behavioral-challenges-as-survival-instincts/) - We need to integrate neuroscience principles into our approaches for traumatized children who display challenging behaviors. - [Why Being a Happy Mom (or Dad) is a Gift to Our Children](https://monadelahooke.com/why-being-a-happy-mom-or-dad-is-a-gift-to-our-children/) - Being a happy mother—or father—is truly a gift for children, activating our social engagement system and joyful connections. - [When a Child Cries, Ignore the “Experts,” Not the Tears](https://monadelahooke.com/when-a-child-cries-ignore-the-experts-not-the-tears/) - Instead of seeing crying as an attention-seeking act, we should think of it as a subconscious appeal for human engagement and connection. - [An 8-year-old’s temper is so bad, he had to withdraw from his school](https://monadelahooke.com/an-8-year-olds-temper-is-so-bad-he-had-to-withdraw-from-his-school/) - Q: My 8-year old has a terrible temper. He sees red when he gets angry and will yell, hit or throw things. His anger is always directed at adults, whether it be parents, teachers or other caregivers. He is extremely bright and loving most of the time. We have tried therapy and medication, but the behavior - [The Hidden Costs of Planned Ignoring](https://monadelahooke.com/the-hidden-costs-of-planned-ignoring/) - The risks of planned ignoring in ABA treatment - [ADHD or a Natural Need to Move?](https://monadelahooke.com/adhd-or-a-natural-need-to-move/) - A child’s craving for physical movement doesn’t always reflect a disorder or ADHD. Sometimes it's simply an individual difference or natural preference. - [School Refusal and the Power of Social Engagement](https://monadelahooke.com/school-refusal-and-the-power-of-social-engagement/) - The aim when working with a child coping with school refusal is figuring out how to help the child’s nervous system to detect safety. - [What to Know Before We Teach Children Self-Regulation Skills](https://monadelahooke.com/what-to-know-before-we-teach-children-self-regulation-skills/) - When we attempt to teach self-regulation skills without evaluating a child’s co-regulation history, we risk asking too much of children too soon. - [Time-Outs for One-Year-Olds? Ignore this Parenting Advice](https://monadelahooke.com/time-outs-for-one-year-olds-ignore-this-parenting-advice/) - As a child psychologist, I have seen the developmental difficulties babies can suffer when they don’t receive responsive care. - [To raise resilient kids, combine 2 popular parenting styles, says child psychologist: Here’s how](https://monadelahooke.com/to-raise-resilient-kids-combine-2-popular-parenting-styles-says-child-psychologist-heres-how/) - When it comes to raising kids, some parents feel like they need to commit to one ethos. If you’re a gentle or responsive parent, you validate your child’s emotions and de-emphasize consequences. If you’re an authoritative parent, you set hard boundaries and focus on following set rules. In reality, parenting works best if you mix styles, says - [Oppositional Defiance or Faulty Neuroception?](https://monadelahooke.com/oppositional-defiance-faulty-neuroception/) - Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) should be viewed as a child’s response to stress. Viewing challenging behaviors on a continuum of stress and stress recovery reveals a whole new way to think about this stigmatizing disorder, as well as a new way to support children, informed by current neuroscience. - [Oppositional Defiance or Faulty Neuroception? Part 2](https://monadelahooke.com/oppositional-defiance-faulty-neuroception-part-2/) - Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) should be viewed as a child's response to stressors. Porges' concept of neuroception is key in supporting children and creating treatment plans to help them find their way back to emotional regulation. - [Considering these Popular Parenting Techniques? Proceed with Caution](https://monadelahooke.com/parenting-techniques/) - Parenting techniques that don’t recognize the importance of emotions, or suggest that we need to outpower or outwit children need to be updated. - [The Developmental Iceberg: Looking Below the Surface of Challenging Behaviors](https://monadelahooke.com/the-developmental-iceberg-looking-below-the-surface-of-challenging-behaviors/) - Behavioral challenges are the “tip” of the iceberg, and the answers to helping children are often found below the surface of behaviors. - [Ten Things to ask for when Your Child is Diagnosed with Autism or Developmental Differences](https://monadelahooke.com/ten-things-ask-child-diagnosed-autism-developmental-differences/) - While skill acquisition is important, what is most important is the child’s developing sense of trust and joy in human relationships. - [Microbreaks: How a Few Moments Well Spent Can Change Your Whole Day](https://monadelahooke.com/microbreaks-how-a-few-moments-well-spent-can-change-your-whole-day/) - Parents continue to recover from the toxic stress of the pandemic, compounded by national and international crises and tragedies. One parent’s recent description on social media struck me. “Standing on the corner of burned-out parenting and exhausted working,” the parent wrote. “It’s soul sucking and there are no breaks.” With so much suffering, it’s more - [Turning a Bad Day Into An Opportunity](https://monadelahooke.com/turning-a-bad-day-into-an-opportunity/) - How many parents dread the “he’s had a really tough day” comment from the teacher at pick up time? And what does that comment really mean? If a child with special needs has “behaviors”—especially disruptive behaviors—most often the conversation addresses the need to decrease those behaviors as soon as possible. This is understandable, but what - [Navigating the Complexities of Sleepovers](https://monadelahooke.com/navigating-the-complexities-of-sleepovers/) - Over the last couple of years, there has been a growing debate among parents over whether or not we should allow our kids to attend sleepovers and slumber parties. While some parents want their children to have the opportunity to create memories of late-night laughter with their friends, others are more hesitant, wondering if the risks - [What Makes an Education “Appropriate”? Building It on Relationships](https://monadelahooke.com/makes-education-appropriate-building-relationships/) - Every IEP team should assure that a child has the chance to develop emotional regulation through trusting relationships. Without that opportunity, meaningful learning is impossible. - [Welcome!](https://monadelahooke.com/welcome/) - This blog is dedicated to members of a very special community: families, clinicians, teachers and researchers of children experiencing developmental or emotional challenges. In my work as a clinical psychologist and consultant with families, schools and social service agencies, I am grateful each day for the opportunity to dialogue with parents and colleagues. This is - [Know that you have Choices!](https://monadelahooke.com/know-that-you-have-choices/) - When your child is diagnosed with autism or a developmental delay, in an ideal world, you would have a range of treatment choices to choose from based on your child’s unique needs. The reality, however, is that programs throughout the country utilize varying approaches, and the availability of services varies greatly from state to state, - [Supercharged Early Intervention](https://monadelahooke.com/supercharged-early-intervention/) - As part of my responsibility as a child psychologist on multidisciplinary teams, I have the opportunity to observe my little patients in many settings, including classrooms, homes, and OT (Occupational Therapy) clinics. I recently observed two different children in their OT treatment and found a striking contrast between the two. The first clinic at a - [Supercharged Early Intervention: Part Two](https://monadelahooke.com/supercharged-early-intervention-part-two/) - Supercharged early intervention describes what can happen when relationship- based principles harness the power of positive emotions between caregiver and child. This adds dynamic forces that makes therapy more fun, and also allows for better learning, as memories of these joyful experiences take hold over time. Here are some things you can look for or - [Learning about Autism from the Experts](https://monadelahooke.com/learning-about-autism-from-the-experts/) - We have much to learn about autism. Fortunately, both awareness and research is increasing dramatically. Another rich source of information comes from the true experts: individuals with autism. Two of the most compelling books on my kindle are Ido in Autismland by Ido Kedar and The reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida. These two young - [The Benefits of “Top Down” Thinking](https://monadelahooke.com/the-benefits-of-top-down-thinking/) - Scene from my morning walk: Two little girls, sitting at the bottom of a slide in the park. A mom tries to soothe one of the little girls, crying hysterically, while the other child calmly tries to explain what happened. Girl #1, the very upset little girl, struggles to catch her breath while her friend - [A Developmental Approach to Autism](https://monadelahooke.com/a-developmental-approach-to-autism/) - One highlight of last week was a fabulous conference at the California Endowment Center featuring Dr. Dan Siegel talking about his new book about the teenage brain. Instead of viewing teenagers as out of control pseudo-adults with raging hormones, Dan tackles these and other common myths to let us into what is really happening in - [Sacked by your own Linemen](https://monadelahooke.com/sacked-by-your-own-linemen/) - Last weekend I had the opportunity to meet with three incredible and accomplished moms as we prepared for a panel at the Profectum conference next month. One topic of conversation caught my attention: when well meaning professionals entrusted to treat their children unknowingly cause stress for parents. This can take various forms, but one example - [Sacked by your own Linemen: Part Two](https://monadelahooke.com/sacked-by-your-own-linemen-part-two/) - In the previous post we discussed the potential for parents to feel sacked by their IEP team. In fact, when talking to parent groups, the topic of IEP’s usually gathers a collective sigh. Here are some things you can consider in order to gain credibility as a legitimate member, and even leader, of your child’s - [An Open Letter to Fellow Professionals](https://monadelahooke.com/an-open-letter-to-fellow-professionals/) - Dear Colleagues who work with special needs children, I value the work we all do, the reports we write, and the teams we serve on. But in all honesty, we can do better. We need to think more about the impact our words have on parents. It is a rare IEP in which a parent - [Making the Right Treatment Decisions for your Child](https://monadelahooke.com/making-the-right-treatment-decisions-for-your-child/) - When it comes to early developmental delays, the roadmap to treatment is often rocky and confusing. Knowing your child’s unique individual profile* will help you tailor the right program based on his unique needs. Here is the key question: What are the right treatments for my child at this particular time and with his/her unique profile? - [The Experts are Teaching the Professionals!](https://monadelahooke.com/the-experts-are-teaching-the-professionals/) - It is such a pleasure to be taught by the real experts. The real experts are individuals with autism who are giving us first hand accounts about what types of treatment work and what kinds can actually cause suffering. One example of treatment missing the mark is when non-verbal children are assumed to know less - [Let’s do away with the term “Non-verbal”](https://monadelahooke.com/lets-do-away-with-the-term-non-verbal/) - The second annual Profectum conference was again a huge hit with parents and professionals alike. A touching moment happened when a parent came up after my talk and asked me to repeat something I had said about the inaccuracy of the phrase “non-verbal”. As Liz Torres, neuropsychological researcher, told us, what we can see (or - [Redefining Oppositional and Challenging Behaviors](https://monadelahooke.com/redefining-oppositional-and-challenging-behaviors/) - One of the goals of the Profectum conference last month was to help parents and professionals expand their understanding of challenging behaviors in children. Connie Lillas described an optimal state of mental health as the “green” zone, a zone of calm awareness which supports learning and communicating. Connie and I emphasized how important it is - [Why are IEP's so Stressful?](https://monadelahooke.com/why-are-ieps-so-stressful/) - There are many reasons IEP’s can be stressful. Here is a list of a few related to the emotional ramifications of the process on parents. Please feel free to respond and add your own. The implication here is not that school administrators and teaching staff ever intend to make IEP’s an adversarial process. The reason - [Are you at Risk?](https://monadelahooke.com/are-you-at-risk/) - A recent study by researchers at the University of Illinois validates many other studies linking an increased risk of stress and depression experienced by mothers of young children with autism spectrum disorders (Jeans, 2013). Fathers are at risk as well, however their symptoms may look different than those of mothers. This is somber news, and - [Look at me!](https://monadelahooke.com/look-at-me/) - Enforcing eye contact is a tricky endeavor in children with autism. While gently taking a child’s head into your hands and asking him to look at you might seem innocuous, it actually can be very stressful. Parents and professionals alike need to consider the complexity of the brain networks in autism and make sure we - [Time to Re-think Treatment Techniques?](https://monadelahooke.com/time-to-re-think-treatment-techniques/) - Last week, at Bessel van der Kolk's Annual Trauma Conference, the number of references to autism intrigued me. While one would not necessarily expect to find those two words together in a conference, some of the underlying neurobiology found in trauma may be similar to children with autism, including weak or disconnected neural links - [When Something doesn’t Feel Right](https://monadelahooke.com/when-something-doesnt-feel-right/) - As a parent, you might experience confusion about your role in your child’s services. You may feel that “pit in the stomach”, or “queasy feeling” when one of your child’s therapists makes a suggestion/comment that just doesn’t seem right. Because you have such a close relationship with your child, your weigh-in during these moments is - [Preventing More Violence](https://monadelahooke.com/preventing-more-violence/) - How many more deaths must occur before we take action to prevent future acts of violence in this country? While discussion around limiting gun access is important, as a mental health specialist I can speak to the need for early identification of potential perpetrators. Our current methods of identifying and treating persons with mental health - [Presuming Competence: Raising the Bar for Autistic Individuals (Part One)](https://monadelahooke.com/when-something-doesnt-feel-right-2/) - Information about the processing differences in autistic children is streaming in from researchers and scientists. Two examples are Elyssa Marco, looking at the sensory processing differences found in children with atypical neurodevelopment, and Stephen Porges, studying stress responses in autism and other conditions. Researchers are now weighing in on what autistic individuals have been asking - [Presuming Competence: Part Two](https://monadelahooke.com/presuming-competence-part-two/) - Valuable information can be gleaned from autistic persons writing about their educational experiences. A common theme arising from such writings is that all too often, behaviors are taken at face value and competence is not presumed. Because the neural circuits connecting the motor system to ideas or intention can be seriously impacted in autism, taking - [Are Parents Considered the Experts of their Own Special Needs Children?](https://monadelahooke.com/are-parents-considered-the-experts-of-their-own-special-needs-children/) - This has been a rough IEP season at my office. Not because money is still tight and funding sources are scarce for special education services, or because these meetings can go on for hours on end, but because it seems parents are often not considered experts of their own children with special needs. And when - [The Problem with Taking Behaviors at Face Value](https://monadelahooke.com/the-problem-with-taking-behaviors-at-face-value/) - One of the misunderstood aspects of autism is that for some individuals, outward behaviors do not match inward intentions or thoughts. Decades ago, I learned from leaders in the field of ASD treatment how profoundly motor planning and praxis (everything from having an idea, planning motor movements, sequencing those movements, executing and then adjusting as - [Are Therapies Respectful of Autism?](https://monadelahooke.com/are-therapies-respectful-of-autism/) - One of the most powerful position statements in the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), a national group run by persons on the spectrum regarding health care and the respectful use of therapies is as follows: “Many therapies and products for Autistic children and adults are helpful and should be made more widely available, such as - [Where Parents are the Experts and Professionals are the Learners](https://monadelahooke.com/where-parents-are-the-experts-and-professionals-are-the-learners/) - An inspiring blog post by a mom and advocate of the Awenesty of Autism site described a dramatic office visit and the choice she made to not put a limit on her child’s future: In the author’s post, she writes: “After the evaluation, the lovely doctor, in a very nice, professional manner basically told me - [The Role of Parents in Developmental Treatment](https://monadelahooke.com/the-role-of-parents-in-developmental-treatment/) - The intuitive wisdom that parents are essential partners in their child’s growth and development has not always found a place in medical model therapeutic approaches. But in research circles today, when scientists talk about “critical ingredients” or crucial aspects of a treatment that make a difference toward a cure, the parent-child relationship is getting unprecedented - [Take Charge, Take Action on your Infant’s Development](https://monadelahooke.com/take-charge-take-action-on-your-infants-development/) - A new study released today by researchers at the Mind Institute and published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that early and intensive supportive interaction by parents (not therapists) diminished or took away signs of delay in almost all the children in the study. Even though the sample size was very small, - [Why Spanking is an Ineffective form of Discipline](https://monadelahooke.com/why-spanking-is-an-ineffective-form-of-discipline/) - The ongoing debate about spanking heated up again this week, as this topic continues to capture the interest of the media and parents. I do not judge the intentions of parents who feel that spanking is an appropriate form of punishment. Fundamentally, parents love and want to protect their children, and prepare them for living - [What Every Professional Needs to Know about Parent Stress and Autism](https://monadelahooke.com/what-every-professional-needs-to-know-about-parent-stress-and-autism/) - Last week London McCabe, an autistic six-year old, died a senseless, tragic and preventable death at the hands of his mother. As professionals, there are steps we can take to prevent additional casualties of innocent lives. The first thing we can do is to examine our own beliefs and make sure we are not communicating - [Ten Things to Ask of Professionals Working with Your Special Needs Child](https://monadelahooke.com/ten-things-to-ask-of-professionals-working-with-your-special-needs-child/) - This is a critical list of ten things parents should ask of professionals working with their special needs child - [Different, Not Deficient: Five Ways to Ensure your Special Child is Receiving the Right Messages](https://monadelahooke.com/different-not-deficient-five-signs-that-your-special-child-is-receiving-the-wrong-messages-2/) - A new way of looking at challenging behaviors - [Presuming Competence in Your Child: Four Tips for Parents to Share with Providers](https://monadelahooke.com/presuming-competence-in-your-child-four-tips-for-parents-to-share-with-providers/) - When I met three-year-old “Tim”, he had such difficulty with spoken language and controlling his body that it was difficult to tell how much he could comprehend of the world around him. He couldn’t show his understanding with words—or even with movements. A decade later, he has learned to type on an iPad and uses - [Tuning in to the Emotional Lives of Children with Special Needs](https://monadelahooke.com/tuning-in-to-the-emotional-lives-of-children-with-special-needs/) - One of my trusted guides about the world of autism treatment is Ido Kedar, a talented high school senior who blogs at Ido in Autismland. Here’s what Ido has to say about the professionals who worked with him over many years: “My experts have missed the mark most of my life. Kind of like a - [Three Ways to Help your Special Needs Child Feel Safe and Loved](https://monadelahooke.com/three-ways-to-help-your-special-needs-child-feel-safe-and-loved/) - Recently, while waiting in a school office for a meeting to begin, I noticed a little boy at an empty desk, staring out a window. A secretary was busy working as staff came and went, and as I waited, I wondered why this little boy was there. On my way out he was still there, - [Attention Seeking for a Purpose: Understanding Behaviors in a New Way](https://monadelahooke.com/attention-seeking-to-get-our-attention-understanding-behaviors-in-a-new-way/) - A new description of attention seeking behaviors. - [Building Resilience for You and Your Child](https://monadelahooke.com/building-resilience-for-you-and-your-child/) - I am very grateful to the Kids in the House Organization for the opportunity to support parents and caregivers through their extensive videotape library. Here I share four things parents can do to build resilience in yourself and your child. It's often difficult to prioritize self-care when the world is spinning so quickly and your schedule - [When the Tantrums Won’t Stop: Understanding the Impact of Sensory Triggers](https://monadelahooke.com/when-the-tantrums-wont-stop-understanding-the-impact-of-sensory-triggers/) - This article helps parents understand a hidden cause of persistent tantrums - [Disorderism: How to Make Sure People See Your Child and Not a Diagnosis](https://monadelahooke.com/disorderism-how-to-make-sure-people-see-your-child-and-not-a-diagnosis/) - How to make sure people see your child, and not a disorder. - [Picky Eating: A Precursor of Trouble Down the Line?](https://monadelahooke.com/picky-eating-a-precursor-of-trouble-down-the-line-2/) - the hidden reasons behind picky eating - [Being "Nonverbal" Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Think](https://monadelahooke.com/being-nonverbal-doesnt-mean-i-cant-think/) - The term Nonverbal is innacurate and should not be equated with intellectual disability - [When Your Child’s Tantrums Make you Tantrum](https://monadelahooke.com/when-your-childs-tantrums-make-you-tantrum/) - This post helps parents manage tantrums and build resiliency in their child. - [A Missing Ingredient in Autism Therapies](https://monadelahooke.com/a-missing-ingredient-in-autism-therapies/) - The emotional life of the child is often not considered in the behavioral treatment of autism. This article offers suggestions to enhance the child's emotional development in autism treatment. - [Ain’t Misbehavin: Understanding Challenging Behaviors from the Inside Out](https://monadelahooke.com/aint-misbehavin-viewing-challenging-behaviors-from-the-inside-out/) - Challenging behaviors are not always intentional misbehavior. We have to understand the meaning behind them in order to best support each child. - [Early Intervention: Taking a Mindful Approach](https://monadelahooke.com/taking-a-mindful-approach-to-early-intervention/) - Early intervention should not be a race against developmental delays, but rather a thoughtful path to nurture each child’s own potential to develop at his or her own pace. - [Early Autism Intervention: Yes, You Do Have Options](https://monadelahooke.com/early-autism-intervention-yes-options/) - Otentimes, the early treatment of autism doesn't adhere to best practice principles for the optimal development of infants, toddlers, and their parents. - [The Critical Ingredient that Should Be Part of Every IEP](https://monadelahooke.com/important-iep-goal/) - My wish for families during this IEP season is that emotional regulation, supported by engaged relationships, finds its way into every discussion about a child. A child’s ability to feel safe and engaged provides a solid foundation for all areas of learning and socialization. - [A Mother’s Day Gift for Ourselves](https://monadelahooke.com/mothers-day-gift/) - A recent parenting study shed light on something so simple yet so profound that it may be one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your child. - [Relationships in Special Education: We Must Do Better](https://monadelahooke.com/relationships-special-education-must-better/) - Far too often, children with special educational needs experience disruptions in relationships, including frequent changes in aides, teachers and school placements, causing stress. - [Self-Reg: Busting the Myth of Self-Control](https://monadelahooke.com/self-reg-busting-myth-self-control/) - A new book, Self-Reg, explodes the myth that if only children tried harder or had enough willpower, they could control all of their challenging behaviors. The reality is much more complicated than that. - [The Top Priority When your Child is Diagnosed with Developmental Differences](https://monadelahooke.com/top-priority-child-diagnosed-developmental-differences/) - We want to shift away from viewing developmental differences as something that needs to be quickly “fixed”. Rather, we need to soften the stance to view differences with patience and compassion; with reflection regarding what behaviors or capacities should be targeted for change, and why - [What Causes Oppositional Defiance and Challenging Behaviors?](https://monadelahooke.com/causes-oppositional-defiance-disorder-challenging-behaviors/) - We can shift our mindset from viewing ODD as manipulative behavior to seeing it as an indicator that the child’s physiological state has shifted to distress, leading to fight or flight behaviors. - [A Nurturing Alternative to Calm-Down and Time-Out Rooms](https://monadelahooke.com/nurturing-alternative-calm-time-rooms/) - We can help children by turning time out rooms into relationship rooms, where adults compassionately decipher how to help children find calmness. - [Lessons from Spin Class: The Limitations of Encouragement](https://monadelahooke.com/lessons-from-spin-class-the-limitations-of-encouragement/) - Is there a downside to encouraging children with the message of mind over matter? The key is tailoring encouragement to suit each child's unique capacities. - [Reducing Children’s Stress (and Yours!) During the Holidays](https://monadelahooke.com/reducing-childrens-stress-holidays/) - It’s supposed to be a time of joyful excitement, but the truth is that the holiday season can be stressful for children and parents alike. - [Toddler Tantrums: Help from Neuroscience](https://monadelahooke.com/toddler-tantrums-help-neuroscience/) - Most children with persistent tantrums aren’t purposefully misbehaving. They are experiencing stress responses. - [Toddlers' Mental Health: The Drawbacks of a Diagnosis](https://monadelahooke.com/toddlers-mental-health-drawbacks-diagnosis/) - Instead of simply finding a DSM diagnosis to explain toddlers' mental health challenges, we must first seek the underlying causes. - [Preferred Interests: Supporting Children on the Autism Spectrum](https://monadelahooke.com/preferred-interests-supporting-children-autism-spectrum/) - Many professionals view preferred interests as negative symptoms rather than recognizing them as qualities to be respected and leveraged in autism support. - [Autism Acceptance: How Celebrating Differences Can Stop Bullying](https://monadelahooke.com/autism-acceptance-celebrating-differences-can-stop-bullying/) - When we focus on changing behaviors without considering how we are affecting the child’s developing self -confidence—and how others view the child—we may be doing more harm than good - [The Pacifier Question: Why Not to Make Your Toddler Go Cold Turkey](https://monadelahooke.com/pacifier-question-not-make-toddler-go-cold-turkey/) - When a toddler suddenly loses the use of a pacifier (or thumb sucking) it can send the child’s developing emotional system into a stress response. - [Deconstructing Oppositional Defiant Disorder](https://monadelahooke.com/deconstructing-oppositional-defiant-disorder/) - Shifting our understanding of Oppositional Defiant Disorder as "fight or flight" responses to perceived threat has important treatment implications. - [Autism Approaches Should Respect Children’s Emotions](https://monadelahooke.com/946-2/) - In autism approaches, tracking behavioral progress is important, but the foundation of learning is feeling safe and calm in loving relationships. - [Why We Can’t Let Play Disappear from Children’s Lives](https://monadelahooke.com/cant-let-play-disappear-childrens-lives/) - Updated: November 2022. An essential ingredient has been slowly disappearing from children’s lives: free, spontaneous play. Many factors have converged to cause the decline of play. Technology absorbs more and more of children’s attention. Schools pile on academic pressures earlier and earlier. And parents are increasingly opting to place their children in structured extracurricular activities. - [Emotional Regulation: The Springboard of Children’s Mental Health](https://monadelahooke.com/emotional-regulation-springboard-childrens-mental-health/) - We are not born with emotional regulation; it develops with the help of loving caregivers in a child’s life. - [Early Intervention: Don’t Let a Diagnosis Define Your Child](https://monadelahooke.com/early-intervention-dont-let-diagnosis-define-child/) - It’s natural to worry about what a diagnosis and early intervention mean for your child’s future, and if you are making the right decisions. - [Why It’s a Mistake to Prioritize Behavior Goals Over Social-Emotional Development](https://monadelahooke.com/mistake-prioritize-behavior-goals-social-emotional-development/) - when we insist that vulnerable children control their behavior before they’re able to, there’s a potential to do more harm than good to emotional health - [The Key to Improving How IEP Teams Support Children’s Social and Emotional Needs](https://monadelahooke.com/1008-2/) - Rather than documenting whether the child’s behaviors are more compliant, we should track whether the child’s emotional regulation is improving. - [Three Keys to Helping Children Build Resilience](https://monadelahooke.com/three-keys-helping-children-build-resilience/) - Knowing that someone is present and receptive to a child’s needs helps build the capacity for future psychological resilience. - [What to Consider before Starting Childhood Behavioral Therapy](https://monadelahooke.com/consider-starting-childhood-behavioral-therapies/) - When behavioral therapy requires children to do things that exceed their developmental capacity, we risk increasing their stress load. - [Mental Health Disorder or a Sensory Processing Challenge?](https://monadelahooke.com/mental-health-disorder-sensory-processing-challenge/) - We often reason in vain with children about behaviors that stem from causes beyond their awareness such as sensory processing challenges. - [The Key to Supporting Victims of Childhood Trauma: Safe and Supportive Relationships](https://monadelahooke.com/key-supporting-victims-childhood-trauma-safe-supportive-relationships/) - Even in the most serious cases, in which trauma has altered children’s brains, relational safety can help individuals recover. - [Sensory Processing and Challenging Behaviors: Below the Iceberg](https://monadelahooke.com/1064-2/) - It is beneficial to consider sensory-processing challenges when questions arise about a young child's challenging behaviors. - [Parenting: When Being Consistent Backfires](https://monadelahooke.com/parenting-consistent-backfires/) - Challenges can occur when we value the idea of being consistent over what a child needs in real time. - [A New Lens for Understanding Behavior Problems](https://monadelahooke.com/new-lens-understanding-behavior-problems/) - Disorder-based treatment systems for behavior problems are giving way to methods that make safety and security their foundation. - [The Essential Question to Ask Before You Discipline a Toddler](https://monadelahooke.com/1098-2/) - In our “cognitive-centric” environment, we discipline because we assume that a child has deliberately and consciously chosen how to behave or misbehave. - [The Secret to Helping Children Thrive (And It’s Not a Theory or a Technique)](https://monadelahooke.com/secret-helping-children-thrive-not-theory-technique/) - I have found that the most powerful intervention isn’t a tool, theory, or technique, but something else, something more profound. - [How Experiencing Joy Can Help Children and Promote Optimal Development](https://monadelahooke.com/1119-2/) - Joy is a powerful tool for solving childhood challenges. Yet in our culture of doing, teaching, treating and pathologizing, too often we forget that when a child needs help, the first thing we should increase is joy. - [Why Preschoolers Shouldn’t be Suspended or Expelled: Lessons from Neuroscience](https://monadelahooke.com/1127-2/) - Preschoolers' persistent behavior problems are not a signal that a child is purposefully misbehaving but rather that a child needs help. - [Freedom of Choice: Why Special Education Programs Should be Transparent About their Approaches](https://monadelahooke.com/freedom-choice-special-education-programs-transparent-approaches/) - It’s essential for parents to understand the differences among special education approaches since the way we teach or treat a child can have a significant impact on the child’s emergent mental health. - [What We Can Learn from a Seven-Year-Old’s Arrest](https://monadelahooke.com/can-learn-seven-year-olds-arrest/) - A Florida elementary school made national headlines after video emerged of a police officer hauling off a seven-year-old boy in handcuffs. According to reports, a teacher had scolded the child for playing with his food in the cafeteria and the boy reacted by lashing out at the teacher, repeatedly striking and kicking her. By the - [When Trauma Underlies Challenging Behaviors: New Answers for Vulnerable Children](https://monadelahooke.com/1175-2/) - Many of our educational and treatment approaches for traumatized, vulnerable children with behavioral challenges involve punitive measures, which serve to reinforce a child's sense of isolation and hopelessness. - [When Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) Underlie Problem Behaviors](https://monadelahooke.com/when-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces-underlie-problem-behaviors/) - It is important for teachers and parents to understand that when a child experiences stressful life events or adverse experiences, the child’s thresholds for emotional and behavioral control decline. - [The Expectation Gap: When Do Toddlers Have Control Over their Behaviors?](https://monadelahooke.com/1210-2/) - One reason parents can feel so frustrated about toddler’s behavior is the “expectation gap.” Many parents assume that tots are capable — or should be capable — of doing things that their brains simply aren’t ready to do yet. - [It’s Not Just What You Say But How You Say It: How Early-Intervention Professionals Can Support Parents](https://monadelahooke.com/a-plea-to-fellow-childhood-professionals-lets-stop-stressing-parents-out/) - If we forget to emphasize the importance of the parent-child relationship by continuing to use outdated models that focus on deficits, we miss the bigger picture of the sanctity of relationships over the lifespan. - [When Sensory Over-Reactivity Underlies Behavioral Challenges](https://monadelahooke.com/when-sensory-over-reactivity-underlies-behavioral-challenges/) - Looking below the surface of behaviors opens new pathways for seeing the child’s behaviors as adaptations of the sensory systems, including sensory over-reactivity, resulting in more compassion and less blame. - [The Body Tells the Story: The Promise of Sense Technology in Supporting Vulnerable Children](https://monadelahooke.com/the-body-tells-the-story-the-promise-of-sense-technology-in-supporting-vulnerable-children/) - Sense technology can provide the caregiver precious moments to intervene prior to a full ramp-up of behaviors, a window into the child's nervous system. - [How We Help Children When We Practice Mindful Acceptance](https://monadelahooke.com/how-we-help-children-when-we-practice-mindful-acceptance/) - The next time you find yourself not knowing quite how to respond to a child, try a bit of mindful acceptance, it's good for your health. - [The Power of Hope from Childhood Professionals](https://monadelahooke.com/the-power-of-hope-from-childhood-professionals/) - Labels are on their way out; with hope and understanding each child’s uniqueness becoming the wave of the future in child development. - [When Children Act Out: “Seeking Negative Attention” or Needing to be Seen?](https://monadelahooke.com/when-children-act-out-seeking-negative-attention-or-needing-to-be-seen/) - When children have explosive and persistent challenging behaviors, it’s a signal for adults to pay attention – it’s not a purposeful manipulation to get "negative attention." - [Children’s Mental Health: Everyone’s Responsibility](https://monadelahooke.com/childrens-mental-health-everyones-responsibility/) - Children’s mental health shouldn’t “live” in the fields of psychology and counseling; it's everyone's responsibility. - [Parents Know Best: Why the Educational System should Stop Marginalizing Parents](https://monadelahooke.com/parents-know-best-why-the-educational-system-should-stop-marginalizing-parents/) - Unfortunately, our educational systems haven’t caught up with the wisdom of relational neuroscience which values parents as essential partners. - [How Anger, Tantrums, and Meltdowns Protect Your Child](https://monadelahooke.com/how-anger-tantrums-and-meltdowns-protect-your-child/) - Meltdowns and tantrums are not purposeful misbehavior. In the moment, a child needs soothing, not lecturing, consequences or punishment. - [He’s Having a Meltdown! Four Possible Triggers—and How to React](https://monadelahooke.com/hes-having-a-meltdown-four-possible-triggers-and-how-to-react/) - When a child experiences a meltdown or tantrum, he is communicating that he has exceeded his ability to intentionally control his emotions and behaviors. - [It’s Time to Do Away with Seclusion and Isolation Rooms and Replace them with Compassion](https://monadelahooke.com/its-time-to-do-away-with-seclusion-and-isolation-rooms-and-replace-them-with-compassion/) - Children in fight-or-flight brain states exhibit automatic, physiological behaviors. Rather than isolate them, we should use compassionate ways to keep them –and others—safe. - [Challenging Behaviors: Why We Shouldn’t Expect Kids to Self-Regulate Too Soon](https://monadelahooke.com/challenging-behaviors-why-we-shouldnt-expect-kids-to-self-regulate-too-soon/) - If a child has chronic difficulties controlling emotions or behaviors, it’s a sign that her ability to self-regulate is weak. - [Moving Beyond Autism Awareness and Acceptance](https://monadelahooke.com/moving-beyond-autism-awareness-and-acceptance/) - According to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), “autism acceptance” shouldn’t be limited to a specific day or month. Rather, it should be an ongoing, collective effort to create a world that values, includes, and celebrates all kinds of minds. As a child psychologist who has worked for decades with families of children on the - [Why We Misunderstand Traumatized Children’s Behavioral Challenges and How We Can Do Better](https://monadelahooke.com/why-we-misunderstand-traumatized-childrens-behavioral-challenges-and-how-we-can-do-better/) - When we punish traumatized children for displaying challenging behaviors, we actually increase their already heavy stress loads. - [How To Cut Stress in Kids’ Transitions from School to Summer](https://monadelahooke.com/how-to-cut-stress-in-kids-transitions-from-school-to-summer/) - Children experience less stress when they are engaged in activities that bring them joy and that connect to their personal motivation. - [The Two Life-Changing Qualities That Make Teachers Extraordinary](https://monadelahooke.com/the-two-life-changing-qualities-that-make-teachers-extraordinary/) - Extraordinary teachers have the power of connection that reverberates throughout a student’s life, contributing to a strong “neural platform". - [Why We Misunderstand Behaviors in Autistic Children— And How We Can Get It Right](https://monadelahooke.com/why-we-misunderstand-behaviors-in-autistic-children-and-how-we-can-get-it-right/) - We need to understand that for autistic people, behaviors are often work-arounds, self-accommodations to one’s brain-body wiring. - [Top-Down and Bottom-Up Behaviors: Understanding the Critical Difference](https://monadelahooke.com/top-down-and-bottom-up-behaviors-understanding-the-critical-difference/) - Knowing the difference between top-down and bottom-up behaviors is a most important consideration in how we help those who struggle. - [Are Baby-Soothing Gizmos a Good Parenting Choice?](https://monadelahooke.com/are-baby-soothing-gizmos-a-good-parenting-choice/) - Nothing can replace the sweetness of holding your infant, and soothing her with your voice, the touch of your skin, and your deep connection. - [Do Time-Outs Work? It’s Time to Reframe the Question](https://monadelahooke.com/do-time-outs-work-its-time-to-reframe-the-question/) - The persistent use of time-outs reflect an outdated perception that all behaviors are motivated and incentivized, when they are not. - [How Teachers Can Take A More Compassionate Approach to Behaviors](https://monadelahooke.com/how-teachers-can-take-a-more-compassionate-approach-to-behaviors/) - Behavioral management in isolation of emotional development makes teachers and others focus on behaviors rather than their causes. - [Child Discipline: Time to Shift the Lens](https://monadelahooke.com/child-discipline-time-to-shift-the-lens/) - Many popular parenting programs are working from a simplistic model of discipline that measures compliance but leave out the child’s physiology. - [Lessons From a Six-Year-Old in a Squad Car](https://monadelahooke.com/education-and-juvenile-justice-systems-lack-the-most-basic-understanding-of-how-to-manage-childrens-behavioral-challenges/) - The scene on the video is heartbreaking. An adorable six-year-old girl walks away from her elementary school—escorted not by her teacher or a parent, but by a sheriff’s deputy. “Am I going to jail?” the girl asks. “No,” the officer replies, “you’re not going to jail.” Seconds later, the girl slides into the back seat - [Easing the Emotional Toll of the Coronavirus Pandemic](https://monadelahooke.com/easing-the-emotional-toll-of-the-coronavirus-pandemic/) - To buffer the stress of social distancing due to the Coronavirus, we can bypass the touch mode and use our other senses to calm others and reduce anxiety. - [Home Together: How to Use This Unique Opportunity to Strengthen Children’s Resilience](https://monadelahooke.com/home-together-how-to-use-this-unique-opportunity-to-strengthen-childrens-resilience/) - One day in the future our children will tell their own children about the Covid-19 pandemic, and the memories they will carry forward are being formed now. - [Amid the Pandemic, Going Easy on Our Kids — and Ourselves](https://monadelahooke.com/amid-the-pandemic-going-easy-on-our-kids-and-ourselves/) - Neuroscience offers some valuable lessons about the expectation gap that can help all of us through the coming weeks and months of the pandemic. - [Raising Resilient Kids and the Role of Distress Tolerance](https://monadelahooke.com/raising-resilient-kids-and-the-role-of-distress-tolerance/) - Our engagement—not avoiding discomfort–is what helps our children learn to develop their own resilience and distress tolerance. - [Addressing Implicit Bias in Our Schools](https://monadelahooke.com/addressing-implicit-bias-in-our-schools/) - Day by day, each of us can make a difference in recognizing implicit bias and bring hope and equality to children of color in our schools. - [How to talk to your child about wearing a mask](https://monadelahooke.com/how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-wearing-a-mask/) - Wearing face masks is important to protect everyone from the novel coronavirus, so it’s worth considering how we talk to chilldren about masks while not adding to an already stressful situation - [As Kids Return to School, Five Ways Teachers Can Support Emotional Health](https://monadelahooke.com/as-kids-return-to-school-five-ways-teachers-can-support-emotional-health/) - Whether classrooms are reopening virtually or in person, we’ve never seen a new school year like this one. And never has it been more important for teachers to relieve their students’ stress and bolster mental health. - [Supporting Behaviorally Challenged and Neurodivergent Students in Education and Special Education](https://monadelahooke.com/supporting-behaviorally-challenged-and-neurodivergent-students-in-education-and-special-education/) - When disruptive behaviors increase, we should first ask if we are meeting and supporting the child’s emotional and/or physical needs. - [Finding our Way Back: How Trauma-Responsive Practices Can help us Face this Moment](https://monadelahooke.com/finding-our-way-back-how-trauma-responsive-practices-can-help-us-face-this-moment/) - As things creep toward some semblance of normal, we would do well to draw on the wisdom of trauma-responsive practices as students return to school. - [Halloween: An Opportunity for Creativity and Connection](https://monadelahooke.com/halloween/) - Halloween offers an opportunity to nurture your child’s creativity and in the process, check in with them emotionally. - [Why Your Child Can’t Access Coping Skills When They Need Them Most](https://monadelahooke.com/coping-skills/) - There are good reasons that children have trouble accessing their coping skills with learned strategies in the heat of the moment. - [Introducing Brain-Body Parenting](https://monadelahooke.com/introducing-brain-body-parenting/) - In Brain-Body Parenting, we learn that self-regulation is developed through co-regulation. When a child is in a stress behavior, they need adults who attune to them emotionally and provide support customized to the child's nervous system. - [Supporting the Highly Sensitive Child: The Brain-Body Approach](https://monadelahooke.com/supporting-the-highly-sensitive-child-the-brain-body-approach/) - As parents and educators, we can observe children’s natural reactions from early on. We can help highly sensitive children make friends with their nervous systems as early as possible—by nurturing interactions customized to each child. - [How Neuroscience Can Help Unravel the Mystery of Toddler Tantrums](https://monadelahooke.com/how-neuroscience-can-help-unravel-the-mystery-of-toddler-tantrums/) - When a toddler encounters something that they are not expecting, it can feel catastrophic, resulting in tantrum behaviors. - [Deconstructing Toddler Tantrums: Holding Space When a Child is Dysregulated](https://monadelahooke.com/deconstructing-toddler-tantrums-holding-space-when-a-child-is-dysregulated/) - Here’s a question I hear a lot: What’s the best way for parents react to a toddler’s tantrum? It’s not uncommon for parents to hear from well-meaning pre-school teachers, neighbors or even parenting advisors that it’s best to ignore a child’s tantrums or “negative” behaviors. One popular view is that behavioral reinforcement schedules — that is, - [Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful Resilient Kids](https://monadelahooke.com/brain-body-parenting-how-to-stop-managing-behavior-and-start-raising-joyful-resilient-kids/) - Pediatric psychologist Delahooke (Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion To Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges) outlines how parents can discover what’s underlying their child’s behavior, rather than merely managing the behavior itself. Her book emphasizes the importance of understanding both the brain and the body and cites research in neuroscience and psychology. By - [Brain-Body Parenting: 3 Ways Dr. Mona Delahooke's New Book Can Help Families Thrive](https://monadelahooke.com/brain-body-parenting-3-ways-dr-mona-delahookes-new-book-can-help-families-thrive/) - In Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids, leading child psychologist Mona Delahooke, PhD, offers a deep understanding of child development that helps parents solve children’s behavioral challenges from the inside out. Even better, she helps us understand the brain-body connection so that we can be proactive and prevent many challenges from arising - [How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids](https://monadelahooke.com/how-to-stop-managing-behavior-and-start-raising-joyful-resilient-kids/) - In a recent interview with Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting, leading child psychologist Mona Delahooke, PhD, discussed her new book, Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids. Supporting children from the inside out, she clearly explains the biology beneath behavior. Moreover, rather than suggesting a one-size-fits-all approach to common challenges, - [Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids](https://monadelahooke.com/how-responsive-parenting-builds-resilience/) - Mona Delahooke is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than thirty years of experience caring for children and their families. She is also a senior faculty member of the Profectum Foundation and a member of the American Psychological Association. Below, Mona shares 5 key insights from her new book, Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior - [Top 10 Inspirational Books – March 2022](https://monadelahooke.com/how-responsive-parenting-supports-relationships-and-decreases-challenging-behaviors/) - From a leading child psychologist comes this groundbreaking new understanding of children’s behavior, offering insight and strategies to support both parents and children. Over her decades as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Mona Delahooke has routinely counseled distraught parents who struggle to manage their children’s challenging, sometimes oppositional behaviors. When we begin to understand the biology - [Author Mona Delahooke Book Discussion](https://monadelahooke.com/author-mona-delahooke-book-discussion/) - Mona Delahooke discusses Brain-Body Parenting From a leading child psychologist comes this groundbreaking new understanding of children’s behavior, offering insight and strategies to support both parents and children. Over her decades as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Mona Delahooke has routinely counseled distraught parents who struggle to manage their children’s challenging, sometimes oppositional behaviors. These families are understandably - ["Brain-Body Parenting" Author Mona Delahooke, PhD](https://monadelahooke.com/brain-body-parenting-author-mona-delahooke-phd/) - If you want your kids to thrive, Mona Delahooke, PhD, says managing their behavior is the wrong thing to do. The Licensed clinical psychologist and author of "Brain-Body Parenting" joined us to explain a better way. For more information about Dr. Delahooke, visit monadelahooke.com. - [Brain-Body Parenting](https://monadelahooke.com/brain-body-parenting/) - Every parent knows all too well the feelings of frustration and hopelessness—not to mention, self-criticism and guilt—that creep in when their child acts out. Over her decades as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Mona Delahooke has routinely counseled distraught parents who struggle to manage their children’s challenging, sometimes oppositional behaviors. These families are understandably interested in - [The Harsh Realm of "Gentle Parenting"](https://monadelahooke.com/the-harsh-realm-of-gentle-parenting/) - The approach flourishes because it caters to a child’s inner life. What does it neglect? Not far into her new book, “Brain-Body Parenting” (Harper Wave), the child psychologist Mona Delahooke makes a confession. She recalls a time when her three daughters were young and she often felt overwhelmed. “When my body budget was in a - [US Best Sellers Books AP News](https://monadelahooke.com/us-best-sellers-books-ap-news/) - Hardcover Nonfiction: #14 "Brain-Body Parenting" by Mona Delahooke (Harper Wave) - [Tantrums Are Just The Tip of the Iceberg | Parenting Tips From Dr. Mona Delahooke](https://monadelahooke.com/tantrums-are-just-the-tip-of-the-iceberg-parenting-tips-from-dr-mona-delahooke/) - Understanding what stressors trigger tantrums and other parenting tips from Dr. Mona Delahooke. Watch Dr. Mona Delahooke's interview on WUSA9 Great Day Washington. - [The Next Big Idea Club's Season 18 Nominees (Part One)](https://monadelahooke.com/the-next-big-idea-clubs-season-18-nominees-part-one/) - Today, I’m excited to share my list of nominees for Season 18 of the Next Big Idea Club. This is a special double season, spanning six months of publication (February to July 2022), so I’ve broken the list into three parts. This is Part One, which covers February and March. And now, drumroll please… - [From Surviving to Thriving: Helping Kids Refill Their Joy Tanks After Major Change](https://monadelahooke.com/from-surviving-to-thriving-helping-kids-refill-their-joy-tanks-after-major-change/) - It’s not an easy thing to shift from a mindset of safety and survival back to a mindset of living and thriving. Still, it’s possible. These challenges may even give way to a generation of resilient kids who are stronger, happier, and healthier because of how they’ve learned to cope with difficulty. “The most common - [How Do We Start to Discipline Our Child?](https://monadelahooke.com/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child/) - In the parenting world, the word “discipline” is a bit loaded. For many, it is a euphemism for “getting your kids in line,” “nipping that behavior in the bud,” “showing your child who’s boss” or “giving consequences.” And those phrases are saying what many parents are always trying (and failing to do): control their children. - [A Fresh Angle on Setting Limits for Kids](https://monadelahooke.com/a-fresh-angle-on-setting-limits-for-kids/) - Limits can be tricky. Some of us set too many limits, which we spend all our parenting energy upholding. Some of us set too few limits and just throw up our hands saying, “Kids will be kids.” Limits are important. Both the natural and the social world have plenty of them. If we don’t define - [In Tennessee, an Experiment to Manage Behavior with an App](https://monadelahooke.com/in-tennessee-an-experiment-to-manage-behavior-with-an-app/) - Though some schools report success with the program, which aims to help teachers better manage student behavior, it relies on thin research and unproven methods. - [Gentle Parenting 101](https://monadelahooke.com/gentle-parenting-101/) - Gentle parenting is a popular parenting ideology, focusing on empathy and respect and doing away with punishment and yelling. What we’ve learned from our mom friends and social media, though, is two things—gentle parenting can mean different things to different people, and it can be very hard to implement when a toddler is trying your - [The Improvisational Parent](https://monadelahooke.com/the-improvisational-parent/) - Why rolling with it really works. When my four-year old son starts repeating phrases and his hands become nunchucks, I know his hunger is speaking louder than words. When he's sizing up which ball to launch across the living room after he's fully recharged from watching television, he's ready to mobilize healthy, boisterous fun. When - [Is Gentle Parenting Right For Me?](https://monadelahooke.com/is-gentle-parenting-right-for-me/) - A growing group of parents are embracing the 'gentle' approach, where you calmly explain to your child the consequences of their behaviour and help them understand what they have done wrong, rather than making them sit on the 'naughty step' or raise your voice. Advocates say its about respecting your child as much as you - [Partner Blaming Husband for Child Taking off His Clothes Angers Internet](https://monadelahooke.com/partner-blaming-husband-for-child-taking-off-his-clothes-angers-internet/) - The internet has slammed a partner after they blamed their husband for their child taking off his clothes around the house. Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a partner under the username u/efalcone shared their story in order to receive opinions from the "AITA" community. "My toddler is going through a phase where he's copying his dad - [Don’t punish your kids if you want them to grow up resilient, child psychologist says. Here’s why](https://monadelahooke.com/dont-punish-your-kids-if-you-want-them-to-grow-up-resilient-child-psychologist-says-heres-why/) - Mona Delahooke doesn’t love the phrase “gentle parenting.” Especially because her book, “Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids” is often lumped into the same category as gentle parenting literature. “The word ‘gentle’ is triggering,” she says. “That’s why I don’t use it. People think it means never saying ‘no,’ - [Our Favorite Parenting Books of 2022](https://monadelahooke.com/our-favorite-parenting-books-of-2022/) - Greater Good picks our favorite books to help parents and their kids be courageous, resilient, and trustworthy. This year, we’ve chosen books that can help parents raise kids who are brave about race, honest, and resilient. We also highlight books that support the unique needs of LGBTQ families and advocate for societal shifts so that all ## Pages - [Home](https://monadelahooke.com/) - Mona Delahooke, PhD, is a clinical and consulting pediatric psychologist specializing in supporting children and families. - [About](https://monadelahooke.com/about/) - [mona]Mona Delahooke, Ph.D.[/mona], is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 25 years of experience caring for young children and their families. With a special focus on early childhood development, she is a senior faculty member and Mental Health Working Group Co-Chair of the Profectum Foundation, an organization dedicated to advancing the development of neurodiverse - [Press](https://monadelahooke.com/press/) - [Training](https://monadelahooke.com/training/) - [Beyond Behaviors](https://monadelahooke.com/beyond-behaviors/) - [Brain-Body Parenting](https://monadelahooke.com/brain-body-parenting/) - [Podcasts](https://monadelahooke.com/podcasts/) - [Webinars](https://monadelahooke.com/webinars/) - [Books](https://monadelahooke.com/books/) - [Membership Community](https://monadelahooke.com/membership-community/) - [Videos](https://monadelahooke.com/videos/) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he1KlJOG-JY - [Speaking/Training Inquiries](https://monadelahooke.com/contact/) - [Social and Emotional Development in Early Intervention](https://monadelahooke.com/social-and-emotional-development-in-early-intervention/) - [Resources](https://monadelahooke.com/resources/) - [Beyond Behaviors Flip Chart](https://monadelahooke.com/beyond-behaviors-flip-chart/) ## Categories - [Blog](https://monadelahooke.com/blog/) - The information contained on this blog is not a substitute for training, or the importance of individual consultation for each child and family. 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